THE SEER OF POLITICO
So apparently there are four worst-case scenarios for the economy dreamed up by some hot-shot economic catastrophist and reported by Politico. I translate:
1. All these government bailouts increase the deficit. We pay for the deficit the way we always have: We borrow it from China. When we don't pay, the Chinese foreclose on America. You get out! You get out now!
Would this happen (the hotshot economist goes on)? Oh, probably not, because it's a pain to foreclose on America's real estate, and real estate values are down the tubes anyway. More likely the Chinese would just put all the notes up for sale, crushing the worldwide value of everything under a mountain of worthless paper and returning us all to a state of nature in which half-naked cuties dressed in bear skins make noise to scare animals into pits where the young and healthy survivors slaughter them and eat them and stuff. But the Chinese don't want that, either. So, umm, this probably won't happen. Pretty scary though, huh?
2. How about this for a horror show: The U.S. GNP declines by 35 per cent over the next four years! While there is no real reason for this to happen, if it did happen it would be very bad, and unemployment would rise to 15 per cent. There is no reason really for that to happen either, but if you put numbers into a sentence you can say whatever you want.
3. If things get really bad it will make Al Qaeda want to attack us because there will be a multiplier effect in which x units of destruction becomes xY units of destuction because of the bad economy. This is called the "bait" effect. Of course this assumes things get that bad. Also if you use letters instead of numbers it makes you look like you know algebra and stuff, and people shut right up if you know algebra.
4. We print too many dollars until everybody in the world gets sick of the dollar and they start up this gigantic "Fuck the Dollar" fund full of gold bullion and silver ingots backing some other currency or a new currency. Nobody will give Americans any of the new currency, which says "Legal tender for all debts public and private, unless tendered by an American, in which case this note isn't worth anything and you can kick the American in the crotch." [Okay, I sneaked in the last thing. The hotshot economist doesn't really say that.]
You might think I am twisting this poor man's words and making fun of him by misrepresenting what he says, but I'm only doing it a little bit. Anyway, he exaggerates. We've been though this before. An unregulated stock market collapses, throwing the world into a global depression precipitating a worldwide military conflict culminating in nuclear destruction. It's just the natural cycle of things and is nothing to worry about.
1. All these government bailouts increase the deficit. We pay for the deficit the way we always have: We borrow it from China. When we don't pay, the Chinese foreclose on America. You get out! You get out now!
Would this happen (the hotshot economist goes on)? Oh, probably not, because it's a pain to foreclose on America's real estate, and real estate values are down the tubes anyway. More likely the Chinese would just put all the notes up for sale, crushing the worldwide value of everything under a mountain of worthless paper and returning us all to a state of nature in which half-naked cuties dressed in bear skins make noise to scare animals into pits where the young and healthy survivors slaughter them and eat them and stuff. But the Chinese don't want that, either. So, umm, this probably won't happen. Pretty scary though, huh?
2. How about this for a horror show: The U.S. GNP declines by 35 per cent over the next four years! While there is no real reason for this to happen, if it did happen it would be very bad, and unemployment would rise to 15 per cent. There is no reason really for that to happen either, but if you put numbers into a sentence you can say whatever you want.
3. If things get really bad it will make Al Qaeda want to attack us because there will be a multiplier effect in which x units of destruction becomes xY units of destuction because of the bad economy. This is called the "bait" effect. Of course this assumes things get that bad. Also if you use letters instead of numbers it makes you look like you know algebra and stuff, and people shut right up if you know algebra.
4. We print too many dollars until everybody in the world gets sick of the dollar and they start up this gigantic "Fuck the Dollar" fund full of gold bullion and silver ingots backing some other currency or a new currency. Nobody will give Americans any of the new currency, which says "Legal tender for all debts public and private, unless tendered by an American, in which case this note isn't worth anything and you can kick the American in the crotch." [Okay, I sneaked in the last thing. The hotshot economist doesn't really say that.]
You might think I am twisting this poor man's words and making fun of him by misrepresenting what he says, but I'm only doing it a little bit. Anyway, he exaggerates. We've been though this before. An unregulated stock market collapses, throwing the world into a global depression precipitating a worldwide military conflict culminating in nuclear destruction. It's just the natural cycle of things and is nothing to worry about.
posted by archer at 1:13 PM
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