EBOLA FAQ

Reuters has one, but it sort of soft-pedals the whole thing. It's a big story, so you should have the facts.

What is the Ebola and what do I do if I get it?

Ebola Zaire is a virus that originated in big piles of bat shit. If you get it you should make your will.

What do you mean, make my will? Can't anybody do anything?

Nope.

How long will I live?

Ten days or so from onset of symptoms. A few more if you're especially unlucky.

What happens?

Basically, you turn into a sort of a blood-filled sack. Then you pop.

Oh my God! Does it spread easily?

Let's just say that if someone says "Hi, Im Nbabwe and I've got the Ebola" and wants to shake your hand, don't.

But that's just in Uganda, right?

Right. We should be fine over here. As long as nobody in Uganda gets on a plane.