RONALD REAGAN TO SEEK THIRD TERM

SANTA BARBARA (Oct. 31)-- Calling the GOP's presidential candidates "not ready for prime time," the Republican National Committee announced that it will seek an unprecedented (and possibly unconstitutional) third term in office for the late Ronald Reagan.

"I don't know why everyone is so surprised," said Reagan's former White House aide Michael Deaver. "The Democrats want to have the first female president. Why can't we have the first dead president? We don't believe in government anyway."

Speculation as to Mr. Reagan's running mate centered around Fred Thompson.