MEN ARE FROM PROXIMA CENTAURI , WOMEN ARE FROM SECTOR B

It's very easy to figure all of this out, and once you do, you'll never have another relationship go sour and will be able to start new ones right away. The system, derived from my many years of intense astronomical study, works like this:

Proxima Centauri is a triple star system; Sector B refers to the quarter-plane of that system's ecliptic (the circular plane surrounding the system's common center of gravity). If you want a successful relationship, you have to operate within Sector B. Outside of that you're fucked. Okay, you're not fucked, not even kissed, probably dumped.

Men are from the System. They think of themselves as the stars. Only they are conflicted, as with any multiple-star system, and they are always trying to figure out their common center of gravity.

Women are from Sector B. Without sector B, the entire space-time continuum collapses. Which actually puts them in charge. Just try it yourself. See if you can get long for a minute without, say, northwest. Your eye will fall out.

Couples unaware of these basic principles are apt to get on each others' nerves. Here is a typical example:

TRIPLE SYSTEM: Hello?

SECTOR B: Hi. I just wanted to remind you to pick up some milk.

SYSTEM: Do you have to call me with this now? I'm in the middle of something.

SECTOR B: You're always in the middle of something.

SYSTEM:: That's because I have a job.

SECTOR B: I make as much as you, smartass, and since you pass the store on the way home you can pick up a few things.

SYSTEM: Look, I can't even think about that right now! Do you mind? I'm trying to--

SECTOR B: Click.

Notice System's insistence that "I'm in the middle of something." Of course he is. He's a triple system and he spends his life recalculating his common center of gravity every few seconds. Notice also Sector B's insistence that whatever it is System is so worried about can wait. Sector B knows perfectly well that System will go on organizing and re-organizing no matter what is going on and that his insistence on being the center of the universe (or at least of that system) is a lot of hooey. Suppose they were both aware of all this? Then things would improve.

SYSTEM: Hello?

SECTOR B: Hi. Gimme two seconds of your time, honey, 'cause this is real important.

SYSTEM: (flattered): Okay, you got it.

SECTOR B: Could you pick up a few things on the way home? I'll email you the list.

SYSTEM:: That's it?

SECTOR B: That's it.

SYSTEM: No problem, babes.

SECTOR B (smokily): I love it when you call me "babes."

These principles are foolproof. They are based on solid science. That is why they work.
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Next: Eruptive Variables and other teen issues.