OH, FUCK
It's happened again.
Some little bit of ice smacked the belly of the space shuttle and gouged a chunk out of the heat shield, which means that if the shuttle re-enters the atmosphere it will burn up like the wrapper on a Cinzano cookie and so will everyone aboard.
Fortunately they have discovered this problem in time to caulk it, or bolt a patch onto it, or smear this special goo NASA invented on it. Also fortunately, if none of the above looks like a good bet, there is a backup shuttle to rescue the astronauts.
The rescue shuttle would arrive at the rescue point on October 5, which is about three weeks before Halloween. Halloween is when the oxygen would run out. Meanwhile, though, Americans are entitled to ask:
1. How come whenever they put a schoolteacher on board things get so fucked up?
2. Will they blame the teacher for jinxing the trip and tell her she has to make amends by becoming the gang mama?
3. Will she get a tattoo?
4. What the fuck is it with these assholes, anyway? I am sick of this shit. Every time they launch a shuttle something damages the heat shield. ANYTHING can damage the heat shield-- a bit of ice, a passing feather, a delicate breach of seating protocol at the Malaysian embassy, and BOOM, that heat shield is fucked, Jack. Who designs the bloody heat shields on the space shuttles--Laura fucking Ashley? Do they shop for the materials in Modern Bride? I built model planes when I was a kid that could take more abuse than the goddamn shuttle and my decals were better, besides.
Some little bit of ice smacked the belly of the space shuttle and gouged a chunk out of the heat shield, which means that if the shuttle re-enters the atmosphere it will burn up like the wrapper on a Cinzano cookie and so will everyone aboard.
Fortunately they have discovered this problem in time to caulk it, or bolt a patch onto it, or smear this special goo NASA invented on it. Also fortunately, if none of the above looks like a good bet, there is a backup shuttle to rescue the astronauts.
The rescue shuttle would arrive at the rescue point on October 5, which is about three weeks before Halloween. Halloween is when the oxygen would run out. Meanwhile, though, Americans are entitled to ask:
1. How come whenever they put a schoolteacher on board things get so fucked up?
2. Will they blame the teacher for jinxing the trip and tell her she has to make amends by becoming the gang mama?
3. Will she get a tattoo?
4. What the fuck is it with these assholes, anyway? I am sick of this shit. Every time they launch a shuttle something damages the heat shield. ANYTHING can damage the heat shield-- a bit of ice, a passing feather, a delicate breach of seating protocol at the Malaysian embassy, and BOOM, that heat shield is fucked, Jack. Who designs the bloody heat shields on the space shuttles--Laura fucking Ashley? Do they shop for the materials in Modern Bride? I built model planes when I was a kid that could take more abuse than the goddamn shuttle and my decals were better, besides.
posted by archer at 4:21 AM
<< Home