HOW TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY

I repost these hints as a public service, as the summons to jury duty seems always to arrive in August. These techniques will guarantee that you will not have to change your vacation plans.

1. While being questioned about your occupation, etc., look suddenly at one of the lawyers and say in an intense whisper: "You."

2. Stand up and point at whoever is talking and say "That's a lie." If the person is on videotape, do this several times.

3. Exhibit a gnomish little obsidian statue and some incense. If they try to swear you in, ask the bailiff for a match.

Good luck!