HOW THE ANT GOT ITS LITTLE TINY ASSHOLE
I'm a fan of the leftyblog DailyKos, but this article on the Bush Administration's war on science is too short. So I'm writing my own, being a highly qualified lawyer who had a chemistry set when he was 9, and who has performed many important scientific experiments such as flushing lumps of sodium metal down toilets to blow them up.
We'll discuss science first. Then we'll discuss Bush's brand of religious fundamentalism. Then we'll compare some of the competing sets of ideas. Then--in a detached, dispassionate, nonpartisan, tolerant sort of way, of course--we'll vomit.
What you have to understand is that science a procedure. Okay, so is an appendectomy, but the difference is that the doctor wants your rotten appendix out so you'll stop puking and not die, and science doesn't give a rat's ass whether you die or not. Science doesn't give a shit about you. If you have a fever and cramps and you're vomiting and you go to a scientist, the scientist will stand there taking notes as you writhe around on the floor, and when you're dead he will cut out a little bit of your gut and put it under a microscope and take more notes, and then he will say "Yes, these observations do seem to support the germ theory of disease."
You thought it was proven that germs cause disease?
Sorry. To a scientist, that's still just a theory. So is gravity. Science seeks no final proof. If the overwhelming evidence shows that the universe is really run by a guy with a big beard who sends people to hell and stuff, well, as far as science is concerned, that's still a theory. If it turns out that we're all just a gas bubble in the cosmic colon of an 11-year-old boy who likes to light his own farts, and who right now is saying "Dude! I feel a major blast coming on," well, that's still just a theory, too. Science does not give a flying fuck about anything but the purity of its own colossal indifference.
Science, to paraphrase the Marquis de Sade, would watch unmoved if we destroyed the entire human race.
Next: Well, just what IS science? You know?
We'll discuss science first. Then we'll discuss Bush's brand of religious fundamentalism. Then we'll compare some of the competing sets of ideas. Then--in a detached, dispassionate, nonpartisan, tolerant sort of way, of course--we'll vomit.
HOW COME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE SCIENCE?
What you have to understand is that science a procedure. Okay, so is an appendectomy, but the difference is that the doctor wants your rotten appendix out so you'll stop puking and not die, and science doesn't give a rat's ass whether you die or not. Science doesn't give a shit about you. If you have a fever and cramps and you're vomiting and you go to a scientist, the scientist will stand there taking notes as you writhe around on the floor, and when you're dead he will cut out a little bit of your gut and put it under a microscope and take more notes, and then he will say "Yes, these observations do seem to support the germ theory of disease."
You thought it was proven that germs cause disease?
Sorry. To a scientist, that's still just a theory. So is gravity. Science seeks no final proof. If the overwhelming evidence shows that the universe is really run by a guy with a big beard who sends people to hell and stuff, well, as far as science is concerned, that's still a theory. If it turns out that we're all just a gas bubble in the cosmic colon of an 11-year-old boy who likes to light his own farts, and who right now is saying "Dude! I feel a major blast coming on," well, that's still just a theory, too. Science does not give a flying fuck about anything but the purity of its own colossal indifference.
Science, to paraphrase the Marquis de Sade, would watch unmoved if we destroyed the entire human race.
Next: Well, just what IS science? You know?
posted by archer at 9:06 AM
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