GONZALES TESTIFES, WITH TRANSLATION

I now understand there was a conversation with myself and the president.

--Alberto Gonzales

I translate:

In the dim dawning light of understanding, understanding that I never had before and which, miraculous to relate, I have now, I begin to grasp--only because it has been explained to me and I couldn't grasp it myself and don't believe it's really true, but people who are much smarter and stronger than I am have made me understand, or perhaps have brainwashed me--that once upon a time, in a time so distant that it's unreasonable and cruel, really, to ask me about it, a time as long ago as childhood (perhaps before--perhaps in another lifetime--I am so confused, a million thoughts are going through my head)--long ago and far away there was a conversation with--could it have been a dream? some fantasy? Are people tricking me? Victimizing me? It could be, right? Because otherwise I wouldn't need to grope so hard to understand, would I? Yes--that's it--people have kept me up late and interrogated me night after night until I now understand there was a conversation with myself (see how crazy I really am?) and the president. But I only understand that now--I didn't understand before, because whatever has been done to me to make me say this stuff, whatever terrible victimization I have endured (and no, I don't remember what it was, so it must have been terrible) had not yet been done to me.