ROSIE, WHERE'S MY BONG?

The "BongHits4 Jesus" kid has definitely plugged up the legal system's tailpipe with a potato. He's put sand in its gas tank. He' s pulled its distributor wire, chained is chassis to a hydrant, shortsheeted its bunk, peppered its jock strap. It is one of the finest pranks ever played upon the Supreme Court in the history of American jurisprudence. And it is bound to have a happy ending.

In case you haven't been following the case, "BongHits4Jesus" was this high school kid's idea of a prank. It was a sign he carried as the Olympic Torch passed through his home town. The kid's high school principal was not amused (high school principals don't know how to be amused) and suspended the kid for ten days. The kid sued, claiming the government, i.e., the school, which is a public institution, had violated his right to freedom of speech. He was cheered on by the Bong people.

But then the Jesus people got into the act. Why, the principal had suppressed THEM, too! That sign said "Jesus"! If you can suspend a kid with a sign that says "Jesus," what's next? Suspend him for saying "Jesus"? For carrying a card that says "Jesus"? The Dobson crowd is outraged. They are marching shoulder to shoulder with their brothers and sisters in arms, marching with--with--with a bunch of people who subscribe to High Times Magazine.

Now, I don't know what could be more fun than seeing the Freedom for Bong Hits crowd in bed with the Freedom for Jesus Choir. Do they have meetings? Are there discussions? Are bongs present?

The story arrived this morning at the United States Supreme Court. It is being argued right now. And as I say, it is bound to end well.

Just think of the Jesus people as Katherine Hepburn, the Bong people as Humphrey Bogart, and the lawsuit as, oh, a sort of a big leaky boat on a jungle river.